Meme

My best friend http://www.southernmartyr.blogspot.com/ called me out. So here it is in no particular order. And please keep in mind that my brain is thinking for two now so I cannot be held accountable for my choices at the moment. But at least its not New Kids on the Block!

What music are your currently grooving too?

Pandora's playing Peroxide Swing by Micheal Buble at the moment.

What, if push comes to shove, is your all time favorite album?
Good Booty, Tom Petty. I can thank the martyr for introducing me to Tom when I was still young and impressionable. Impressionable. I'm still young. Mmmmm and Johnny Depp too!



What was the first record you ever bought? And where did you buy it?
Karma Chameleon, Culture Club. And I bought it a Roses.



Which musician have you ever wanted to be?
Diana Krall. She has the best voice. That voice could get anything it wants. I wanted to post her version of "I've Got You Under My Skin" but couldn't find the link but here's the convoluted link.

www.youtube/watch?v=64kasmZVZLs



Which musician have you ever wanted to be with?
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, Nuno. Pay no attention to the Gary Cherone in this clip. Bad Gary.



What do you sing in the shower?
Lately its been Walk of Life by Dire Straits, but its been the Shooter Jennings versions. Here's the link.

www.cmt.com/videos/shooter-jennings/174154/walk-of-life.jhtml

What is your favorite Saturday night record?
Electric Rodeo by Shooter Jennings. For a greasy little red neck boy, he's hot. And KICKS ASS in concert!



And your Sunday morning record?
Not sure what this means, but I'm going with what just gets me going and that would be a song instead of a whole album.
Feeling' Good, Michael Buble.



And one that I'm going to add,
What do you clean house too?
Long Black Veil, the Chieftains.



And that's it. bitch.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh my god! Who would have thought growing a tiny human being inside you would exhaust a person so much. Do you know what time I've gone to be for the last three nights.....I haven't made it past 9:30 once this weekend! I am so freakin' tired. But this isn't bitching. I promised myself along time ago that if I got lucky enough to be a Mommy some day that I would take all in stride because at the end, I got a baby. This is just a commentary on the situation at hand so far. Also, I have to force myself to eat breakfast in the morning which is weird for me. Normally, I LOVE waffles in the morning. Now, bleech! I also have this odd sensation that I only get when I've been drinking, like I can't feel my lips very well. But mainly it's the tired thing I've got going. How bad would it look if I took a nap under my desk?

"Knocked Up"....now more than just a movie title

Well, we've finally gone and done it. I'm pregnant. Actually, that should read PREGNANT! It's been a very long week. For some insane reason I can't comprehend I decided to take a pregnancy test Sunday afternoon, not thinking I'd really be pregnant. It was more to get my brain to shut the hell up. Well, up comes two lines. I went to Wal-Mart to get a digital pregnancy test. You know, one of those that literally says "pregnant" just in case I was having a small stroke and was seeing lines. Nope. Pregnant. (Insert evil laugh tinged with slight sounds of panic here.)

bleech.

I'm feeling nauseous. I....

A. Bought a new car yesterday.
B. Started my period.
C. Am getting sick.
D. All of the above.

well duh......

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How Cynical Are You?

I would have thought, however, that I would be even more cynical than just 48%. Maybe I'm too much of a romantic. I'll have to check on that.

what did the fish say when it swam into the wall...."DAM!"

Well, evidently, I'm a Ravenclaw, which I can live with.

"Ravenclaw values intelligence, creativity, wit, and wisdom."Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure" is an oft-repeated Ravenclaw proverb [HP5][HP7]. Its animal is the eagle (not the raven as might be expected), and its colours are blue and bronze (though the movies have portrayed their colors as blue and silver). The house ghost is the Grey Lady, who was revealed in book 7 to be Helena Ravenclaw, daughter of Hogwarts co-founder Rowena Ravenclaw after whom the house was named. According to Rowling, Ravenclaw corresponds roughly to the element of air. Rowena Ravenclaw was also the apparent owner of the diadem, which was proven as a horcrux in Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.The Ravenclaw common room and dormitories are located in Ravenclaw Tower on the west side of the school. Few Ravenclaw students are specifically mentioned in the Harry Potter books. The common room is round, like Gryffindor's common room, and has a dome ceiling painted with stars. It also features the bust of Rowena Ravenclaw wearing her diadem. In order to gain entry to the Ravenclaw common room, a logical riddle must be solved. This is in contrast to the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin common rooms, which require a password to enter. This likely is meant to correspond with the wit and intelligence associated with Ravenclaw, and the riddles seen in the book are philosophical in nature eg. 'What came first, the phoenix or the flame?' and 'Where do vanished objects go?', the answers to which are, respectively, 'A circle has no beginning' and 'Into nonbeing, that is to say everything', as stated by Luna Lovegood and Professor McGonagall respectively."

I havn't decided if I should be offended or not that I have many Slyterine qualities as well.

"According to Albus Dumbledore (in 'The Chamber of Secrets'), the qualities which "Slytherin prized in his hand-picked students" include "Parseltongue...resourcefulness...determination...a certain disregard for the rules": which Dumbledore notes are qualities possessed by Harry Potter."

RAVENCLAW:

[x] You're depressed to a certain extent. (work has sucked big time lately!)

[x] You love to read.

[x] You appreciate theatre & arts.

[X] Sports suck.

[X] Hate is completely unneeded. (people should just be fucking nice to each other!)

[ ] Indie is one of your favorite genre of music.

[x] Every once in a while you have little anger outbursts.

[x] Lying is sometimes okay.

[X] Blue is one of your favorite colors.

[ ] Knowledge is the key to power

[X] Sarcasm is the best kind of humor

[X] People should know what they're talking about before they talk.

TOTAL: 10

SLYTHERIN:

[x] There's at least one person you hate. (but many more on the shit list)

[ ] Basketball is a good sport.

[ ] Football is amazing.

[x] Black is a cool color.

[ ] You've lied about something serious

[x] You're a very deep person

[ ] You are not very loyal.

[x] You like heavy metal.

[X] You make school seem more important than it is.

[ ] You're scared to grow up.

[X] Anger is one of your primary feelings.

[x] You have trust issues.

[X] Guilty until proven innocent.

Total: 8

GRYFFINDOR:

[ ] You've never done drugs. (it was just pot!)

[ ] You have a lot of friends. (i dont' need alot when the close friends I do have are the best!)

[ ] You get along with everyone.

[ ] You love football

[X] You love baseball.

[x] You're into writing and art

[x] One of your favorite music genre is rock.

[ ] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory.

[X] One of your favorite colors is red or gold.

[x] Good grades at school.

[ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie.

[x] You plan on going to college.

TOTAL: 6

HUFFLEPUFF:

[ ]You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.

[x] You laugh a lot.

[ ] You like to follow trends.

[x] Politics suck.

[ ] You love to swim

[ ] Water polo is awesome.

[X] Pink is one of your favorite colors.

[ ] Black is morbid & depressing.

[ ] You're an optimist.

[x] You're very emotional.

[ ] You believe in going steady at a young age.

[ ] You haven't made fun of anyone this month. (HAH!)

X] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship.

TOTAL: 5

And I got this from my Big Stupid Tommy (www.bigstupidtommy.blogspot.com)

that's all i've got........

1. Miss my husband.
2. Hate the place that makes him work overtime for the next three weeks.
3. Miss the sex.
4. Miss the conversation.
5. Miss the sex.
6. Like the quiet time to myself.
7. Hate the quiet time to myself.
8. Like the extra cash.
9. Like the extra time with my firends.
10. Miss my husband.

a study of a friendship...wue-whoooo!

I should carry this clip around for when people ask me what my Best Friend is like. www.southernmartyr.blogspot.com I'm the one driving. I'm also still the Mary.



In case you want the lyrics.......

I been working so hard
Keep punching my card
Eight hours, for what?
Oh, tell me what I got
I get this feeling
That time's just holding me down
I'll hit the ceiling
Or else I'll tear up this town
Tonight I gotta cut

(Chorus)
Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise
Pull me offa my knees
Jack, get back
C'mon before we crack
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose
You're playing so cool
Obeying every rule
Dig way down in your heart
You're yearning, burning for some
Somebody to tell you
That life ain't passing you by
I'm trying to tell you
It will if you don't even try
You can fly if you'd only cut

(Chorus)
Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Oowhee, Marie
Shake it, shake it for me
Whoa, Milo
C'mon, c'mon let go
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose
FIRST - we got to turn you around
SECOND - You put your feet on the ground
THIRD - Now take a hold of your soul
FOUR - Whooooooooa, I'm turning it
Loose, FOOTLOOSE

(Chorus)

priority changes

OHMYGODWHENDIDIGETSOFREAKINOLD! I wonder this because I am buying a new ottoman today after work to go with the new drape and new couch slipcover that I put up yesterday and I AM EXCITED BY THIS! To be fair, the couch looks fabulous and even the cats like it. And they hate everyone.

Look at that! This evidently turned into a "look at my babies post!" Yes, I said babies. I don't have children yet because evidently my eggs are all old and dried up so I have these two lovely little monkeys. The top is Omen after a cat nip binge. Don't touch her when she's like that. Then you have Jones (but you call him Dr. Jones!). He likes laundry baskets and white towels. Don't touch him at all. Jones also likes his privacy. But if you hear the tissue paper crinkle in the bottom of his little cat cube, don't make any sudden moves. That just means he has you in his sights and is getting ready to pounce. Lastly, we have Omen again. Stoned. Again. But it is fun when she is naughty to say "Bad Omen! Bad Omen!" But that doesn't happen very often because we let our babies do everything short of driving the car.

they're real and they're spectacular...

Yes, that's right folks! After being on this planet for almost 32 years (which is an entirely different blog) I finally have great boobs. Barbie's boobs. Breasts. Mammary glands. Jugs. Melons. Tah-Tahs. (God I wonder how many hits I'll get now.) While working on an exhibit at my fine institution about the history of toys, I learned that while I don't have Barbie's minuscule waste, I do have her 36" boobs. My best friend has the original Barbie boobs at a very expansive decollete of 39." That's the early edition. Mine are evidently the 1997 edition. Evidently they went to 36" to make Barbie more "realistic." Of course they didn't do anything about the 18" waist and 33" in hips.

Life Lessons From Barbie

1. Family is Fundamental.
2. Many Girls have the same name, but you can still be an individual.
3. A shortage of Men won't ruin the party: women have superior social etiquette and important galas don't require men in attendance.
4. Alternative Lifestyles are acceptable.
5. It's Cool to Have Many Careers.
6. You Can Have love and work at the same time.
7. Dysfunction and Deformity are a part of life.
8. War is Hell.
9. All homeless must be sheltered.
10. Monogamy can work.

And finally, a helpful hint from Barbie straight from a vintage Barbie commercial......

"On cleaning day always wear lipstick, heals and a smile-just in case that dreamboat you're dating decides to stop by!"

I didin't realize that Barbie was into that kind of stuff.

Evidently George Carlin left off a few words on his things you can't say in public. "Hurt" must be one of them because it garnered me an "R" rating for the blog. But I am proud to say that my friends both received an "NC-17"rating. It makes me so proud. I also found out that I have a 44% chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse.

44%

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

See how you would do here......

44%

does anyone need the end to this rope?

I can't believe I actually am thinking about quiting my job. The job that I love. I finally feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to do with my life. I actually feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose at the end of my day. But not now. And I'm afraid that by me actually sticking it out so that they don't "win" I'm hurting the thing that I really love. So what do I do. Not to mention the fact that this crap that is going on is affecting my health. No shit. I actually have to go to the doctors today because my chest hurts again. So. I'm either having another episode of bronchitis, a heart attack, a panic attack or as dumb as it sounds...my heart just hurts. And lets not forget to mention the dying grandmother. I spoke with her the other day for the first time since she's gotten really bad and it just breaks my heart even more hearing how frail she sounds. GOD THIS SUCKS! And its not fair because I'm actually good at this. I try to be nice and good and honest. But because I'm not a big enough ass kisser or whatever.........I just want to go home and never have to deal with people again.

R.I.P Opal

Does anyone know what a panic attack feels like? And does it have to come all at once or can it show up gradually? Either I'm dying of tb here or I'm on my way to a full fledged panic attack. I don't know. i don't know anything anymore. What does it mean when it feels like you have a 20 pound weight sitting on your chest, you don't feel like you've slept in days even though you have but you've had to put up with dreams that are, lets just say, less than pleasant, you can't eat, you cry at the drop of a hat and you generally just don't have the energy to do shit. And its quiet. I had a friend ask me what my nervous breakdown sounded like and its just quiet. I just sit here at my desk trying to not run screaming out of the building work and I'm interrupted by silence. I don't know where Opal went. She's the 12 year old that lives in my head. Normally she has a running commentary going on inside my brain. Unless they killed her. Do you suppose its that as long as you don't acknowledge something or someone then they're Real but as soon as you point it out....bang!....its gone. Kind of like my friend's cat Lah-Lah. I know she's real. Or at least at one point she was. I gave her to my friend. And while I hear stories of her, I've never seen a picture of her and I only catch faint and fleeting glimpses of her at said friends house. If I actually see her will this crazy little creature that doesn't seem natural at all disappear. Kind of like the Cheshire Cat? So, my thought is this.... Did Opal go away because the Old Biddy Brigade called her out? Said things that hurt her feelings and made her feel bad about herself? Evidently she was the "flip" one. And I think they killed her.

one great big swirly

suck
v. To draw in by establishing a partial vacuum
v.intr. To be disgustingly disagreeable or offensive

Hear that loud sucking noise? That's my life. Six months ago I was happy. And anyone who knows me for at least 2 minutes realizes very quickly that "happy" is not a word generally used to describe me. But I was as happy as I had ever been. Husband great. Friends great. Job Fantastic! And I had even gotten to the point that because everything else was so good, especially the job, that it was okay that I hadn't gotten pregnant yet. But did you know that even though I bend over backwards to be home to wake the husband for his job and make his dinner and even pack up the fucking leftovers for his lunch and do all the cleaning, pay the bills go to the grocery store feed the cats AND clean out the litter box and the occasional ball of warm cat throw up off the floor wash the towels and put them away get the mail buy Mother's Day gifts for HIS mother that its evidently not enough. There have been times in the past when I've felt like the housekeeper and not so much like the wife. But I just chalked that up to everyone feels that way at some time or another. But then hubs would usually make up for taking me for granted. Not this time. He didn't even come home this morning. Fuck. Now you can add just not being a very nice good thankful competent professional grown up friendly truthful loyal honest person along with not being a good wife. And it PISSES ME OFF that it hurts my feelings (God what a stupid sentiment) by all the bullshit that I'm having to listen to from EVERYONE and put up with. OH! But how can that be? If I'm "flip" how can that possibly hurt my feelings because I'm such an insensitive ass that I can't possibly have feelings! Guess I'm lying about that too. Can I be someone else for a while? Of course that's what I've been told to do. Be someone else. Guess I'm not good enough for anyone.

meow

Ahhhh! Stop it stop it stop it! I'm doing that annoying thing that I haven't done/had time to do/pretending it doesn't bother me in months! Stupid happy family with the stupid happy baby. I hope he poops kittens tonight!

because if you met my friends you would understand.

How To Win A Fight With Bayonets
From the Worst-Case Scenario Almanac

1. Maintain eye contact with opponent.
Watch his/her weapon and body using peripheral vision. Size up each moment of the fight, pursuing all openings and weakness your opponent reveals.

2. Make constant, unpredictable movements.
Do not allow your opponent to take a clean shot or to anticipate your next move.

3. Growl.
Make aggressive, threatening noises to frighten your opponent and instill confidence in you own abilities to finish the fight.

4. Start in the attack position.
Stand with your feet a comfortable distance apart, with your body bend slightly forward at the waist, knees slightly bent, and weight balanced on the balls of you feet. Hold the musket firmly, with you dominant hand on the butt or just behind the trigger guard and your other hand on the grip below the barrel. Position the musket diagonally across and slightly away from you body at about nose level.

5. Thrust the bayonet.
Grasp the musket tightly and pull the butt in close to your hip; partially extend your non dominant arm, guiding the point of the bayonet toward your opponent's face, throat, abdomen, or groin. Step forward with one leg and push with the full power of your body's movement, using your back heel, waist and hips rather than relying solely on upper body strength. Upon penetration, with the bayonet. To withdraw, shift your weight back and pull out along the line of penetration. Resume the attack position to continue with the fight.

6. Strike with the musket butt.
Step forward with the leg opposite your dominant hand and raise the musket in an arc, using your dominant hand to force the butt of the musket underneath your opponent's weapon on onto a vulnerable area of his body (anywhere from his face to his thighs). If delivered with enough force, a strike from the butt of the musket to a bony area can disable your opponent and possibly kill him/her. Resume the attack position.

7. Smash with the musket butt.
Push the butt of the rifle upward until it is horizontal, with the muzzle just above your non dominant shoulder and the bayonet pointing behind you. Step forward with the leg opposite your dominant hand and forcefully push with both arms, slamming the butt into your opponent's face. This move is often effective after striking with the musket butt.

8. Parry your opponent's attacks.
Counter the movements of your opponent by quickly raising your bayonet and striking the opponent's musket with your own. If the butt of his musket is at his left hip, deflect his thrust to your right; if the butt of his musket is at his right hip, deflect to your left. This will throw your opponent off balance and enable you to follow up with a thrust, strike, or smash.

9. Block surprise attacks.
To stop an opponent from striking your groin with the butt of his/her musket, extend your arms downward and slightly out from your body, catching his weapon at the center part of your musket. To stop a butt stroke to your upper body or head, hold your musket vertical so your opponent's weapon with hit at the center of your musket. Counterattack immediately.

10. Be relentless.
Quick action is imperative in a bayonet fight. You are fighting for your life.

Be Aware
1. In the majority of bayonet charges, the defensive side flees before any contact is made. Bayonet charges are often more a symbolic coup de grace meant to finish off the morale of the opposition than an order to actually engage in hand-to-hand combat. Because soldiers running toward a line with bayonets drawn present such an intimidating sight, the commander with field advantage often delivers the order to stop the battle by chasing the remaining enemy troops from the field. If you hear your field commander give the order for a bayonet charge, you can assume that you are on the winning side of an almost-finished fight.

2. Most actual bayonet fights occur not on a battlefield but in close combat situations in villages, woods, or gardens or on highly irregular, broken terrain.

3. Aiming at an opponent's breast may lead to impalement of the breastbone, making removal or the bayonet very difficult.

good night everybody. be sure to tip your waitress.

Spatula. spatula. spatuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuula. SPATULA! That's all I've got for ya' today folks. Except for this........(insert elaborate fanfare here).

deep dark secret

I watched the first hour of "13 Going On 30" yesterday (by myself), LIKED IT, missed the last half of the movie and am trying to find a way to watch the last of it without anyone knowing. Anyone who doesn't have a pot to throw at me that is.

gee brain, what do you want to do tonight?

For my birthday (ugh 31!) my sweet hubs gave me the first season of the Animanics, a fond memory of my youth. I've been watching them when I have a little free time and I'm delighted to find that I still find them as funny as I did so many, many, many years ago. Especially Pinky and the Brain. For those of you not in the know, Pinky and the Brain are cartoon characters from the cartoon the Animaniacs. Later, they starred in their own spin off called Steven Spielberg Presents Pinky and the Brain, but it wasn't as good.

Pinky and the Brain are genetically enhanced lab mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility. Each week sees Brain come up with a new plan for the two (led by him) to take over the world, which ultimately ends in failure. In common with many other Animaniacs shorts, many episodes are in some way a parody of something else—usually a film. The cartoon's famous tag line is: "Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?" "The same thing we do every night Pinky - Try to take over the world!"Although they plan to conquer the earth, there isn't a lot of antagonism seen in them, and in a Christmas special Pinky even wrote to Santa that Brain had the world's best interests at heart. This is reinforced by Brain's promises that he will provide more funding for law enforcement and the like. Brain usually includes Pinky in his plans, but, not being the brightest bulb in the box, Pinky doesn't have a clue.

So, without further ado.....

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?


"I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?

pandora's got good things in her box

Happy New Year everyone! I hope all of my non existent readers are having a good start to 2007 like I am. No really. I am. I AM HAPPY. With everything. Even the no baby thing. Go figure. Anyway, I've a really short post as I'm up to my ass in work today and have a meeting in about in hour, but I just wanted to pass along a fantastic thing called Pandora Internet Radio. You type in a song or artist and Pandora programs a radio station just for you based on you song selection. For example...I'm currently listening to The Pretenders "I'll Stand By You." You can edit the songs they pick for you to. Tell them if one sucks or if you like a song. You can also ask why they selected one. Example. Tim McGraw. For some reason on a station I started (did I mention that you can program several different types of "stations" ?) that began with Michael Buble and 3 hours later, Tim McGraw. Needless to say, ol' Tim is banned from my station now. You just go to http://www.pandora.com/. Very cool, you need to try it out. Wait! I already am!