Thursday, December 21, 2006

decision 2006

OK, so I think sometime during the night I've come to decision about the whole baby thing. I think I'm going to talk to the hubs about it. There. I've said it. It's out there for the whole world to see (which is kind of funny because no one but me and my alter ego reads it). The weird thing though is that I don't remember thinking about or coming to a conscious decision about this. I just woke up this morning and new that this was the plan. So here's to getting knocked up in 2007. Oh, and by the way, I learned from my Grandmother that "knocked up" isn't a nice phrase. Sorry Gram.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

i need a nap. not a "nap" but a nap.

I'm in the middle of a condumdrum. Do I get romantical with the hubs this weekend in the hopes that something will stick.....or do I listen to the little voice inside my brain that wants to know if ImoutofmyeverlovingmindIhaveabrandnewjobwithawholeboatloadofresponsibilitesanddontevenremotelyhavetimetohaveababy!

Random thought..."Little Drummer Boy" as sung by Marlene Dietrich just came on the station I'm listening to on my computer?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch..........So what do I do about the fact that two little lines showed up on my pee stick and I'm evidently going to percolate within the next 24 to 36 hours? The fact that I am so insanely tired today I think has answered my question. Half of my staff has been gone this week with flu. And as a sidenote I don't think I have ever used up so much Lysol in my life! We'll just wait till next month I think.

I'm off to take a nap.

Monday, December 11, 2006


I just realized that I'm going to be 31 in 20 days!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!

ho, ho, ho.

I didn't freeze my ass off at the parade. I did just about loose my toes and fingers to frost bite however. It's funny how bad your aim will get when you can't feel the tips of your fingers. And before you ask, yes, I had gloves on. But when it's 6 degrees out with the wind chill, one pair of gloves evidently doesn't cut it. I had fun though. It sort of put me back in the Christmas spirit. So much so that I bought a cd player for the office. The staff had mentioned several times that the one they had didn't work. So just call me Santa.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

how an elf freezes her ass off

I'm going to be in the small town Christmas parade tonight. And freeze my ass off. At the moment, I'm not terribly thrilled at the thought of hanging off the side of a fire truck, hurling candy at small children. And the occasional cop. As I mentioned, it's cold. FREAKIN! cold. And I can't find my Santa hat. So now, I have to stop and get something to wear on my head, not only to keep from getting the ultimate brain freeze, but also so the other elf doesn't look like a dork. And trust me, she'll try to kick my ass if I don't show up with something. But it will be fun and maybe knock me out of this little.........funk?.............I seem to be experiencing. You know the baby, lots of work, parents who don't appreciate the children they do have. It is nice to see kids go crazy over a fat guy in a red velour suit. Oh, and did I mention that our particular Santa doesn't like children?

FYI....the word "freakin'" showed up as "foreskin" in my spellcheck just now. Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

my wasted letter to santa

Well, I wasted my letter to Santa, as one has to actually get around to the act of sex to get pregnant. It was such a crazy ass weekend that sweets and I passed each other in the hall on occasion and that was about it. And despite what all my Sunday school teachers said (I'm Catholic) you CANNOT get pregnant that way. So. No baby for me for the time being. It just means that we'll have to try harder. And it is always so much fun to try harder.

Friday, November 17, 2006

dear santa,

I wrote a letter to Santa last night. To Santa. On stationary, in pink ink and put a stamp on it. Did I mention that I'm just a few months shy of 31? I know. Sounds stupid. I wrote a letter to Santa last year and asked for a baby. That was it. A baby. And it worked. We got a baby, but it wasn't my baby. Turns out it was my sister-in-law who got the baby. So THIS time, I was much more specific. I asked Santa for a baby for me. That I wanted to get pregnant this weekend and have a baby next July. My baby. For me. Mine. Who knows. Maybe it will work. Rest assured, you'll be the first to know nonexistent readers. Or who knows, maybe Santa's on the Net.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

can i have something to drink to swallow my bitter little pill?

No baby for me. I don't know how that makes me feel. No, wait. There it is...That's it......Angry. Yes, angry. ALL of my friends seem to be able to pop them out like Pez but then there's me....a CATHOLIC for God's sake....and can I get knocked up?!?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

In case you haven't noticed, I've decided to write about whatever the Hell I want. Of course the "you" I speak of is about as real as the non-existent children I will never have. No, I'm not bitter. But I do have one of my favorite friends, and although we don't see each other all the time, we've known each other for along time. Well, she's preggers. And what pisses me off, is how I can't get past the jealously that is lodged in my throat like a giant no freakin' baby tick-tac! (Man, what's with all the candy metaphors today?) I just don't get it. Why does everyone else get their family and I don't. But, I am "percolating" this weekend. So who knows. Maybe I'll get my Christmas wish this year. Last year I wasn't specific enough because evidently, when I asked for a baby, I should have said "I want to be the one pregnant and getting the baby" because we got a baby in my new nephew. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy we have this child in the family. He's kind of a "miracle" if you will, as the parents didn't think they could have kids the easy way. But I want "MY" baby. And my hubbies as well. So, I'll be writing Santa a letter. And it will be very specific.

I guess I'm just having a hard week. I got my ass handed to me the other day by the bitch of my organization. Little does she know, that along with being a domestic goddess, I AM THE UBER BITCH! (Odd, I just saw myself standing on a mountain top ala He-Man with my sword drawn.) And for the rest of the week, I'm the queen of the meetings. Two today, one all day tomorrow, a conference call on Thursday and two meetings on Friday. And I still have laundry to do! God, I can't wait for the weekend!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

bwah ha ha ha

Well, I peed on my stick yesterday when I got home and nothing. No second line. BUT! the "others" didn't show up again today either. Except for the few little telltale signs, some of which are a little foreign to me. Actually, I feel like I could just snap someone's head off at the smallest provocation. And is it just me or is it freakin' cold in here!? I may have to go and jack the heat up in the office. One of the little perks that comes with being "the boss" is that I have complete control of the heat and air temperature *insert manicacle laugh here* and no one can say anything about it.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

peeing on a stick

I never thought I'd be the type of person who'd get excited about peeing on a stick. And I'm not talking about any ol' stick. Nooooo. I'm talking about the incredibly expensive kind that tell you whether you're preggers or not. I'm probably not. But I hope I am. The hubby and I have been at this for a long damn time. Some of us longer than others. I try not to get my hopes up. But I will. So. I'm going to the Dollar Store after work to purchase my very own home pregnancy test for a mere $1. Yes, I just learned recently that for the low low price of $1 I can either have the last of my dreams fulfilled or totally crushed. Somehow it cheapens it when the dream crushing costs less than a King Size Hershy bar. Happy freakin' Halloween.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

the dark side

It was dark when I woke up this morning. It hasn't been dark when I've gotten up in a very long time. I was having flash backs of being in school. Totally not cool. Then, I went to a meeting. A meeting at 7 in the freakin' morning. Oh my God! Who meets that early! Evidently I do, because I'm planning on joining the particular organization. Don't get me wrong...they do a lot of good things for the community and it will be good for me professionally and for the place that I work. But SEVEN AM! Ugghhh.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

and they say women are irrational.

Oh my god! We had our "talk." Sort of. But that's not what I'm amazed at. He actually got mad at me because I didn't get mad at him. Could someone please explain how that is supposed to be rational!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

"this" is it......!

Okay. When the hell did "this" happen. "This" being the fact that one day I would wake up and I'm suddenly an adult!?!?!? No, I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to go back to playing with my dolls. No. Scratch that. Those years weren't all that fun either. I had a bedtime back then. But then there are days like this week that I would LOVE, I mean LUUUUUV to go back to being a little kid. But where am I you ask? Well, I'm a 30 year old who is only a few short months from being 31 (although the party line in my house is that I'm 26) sitting in her new office that is technically not "her" office for another 2 and 1/2 days because the current Executive Director is still here part time. Yes! I said Executive Director! What...When....WTF! I don't know anything about being in charge! Do you know what "being in charge" means? It means that whenever someone comes into your-but-not-really-your-office with a question that you are expected to have an answer. That and having to learn about boards of directors, staff evaluations (I have one person I may have/get to fire), portfolios and all the other multitudes of crap that comes with being "in charge". All while still using a craptackular version of windowsnotdoors 98. Whoohoo.

My day will end at home, where my husband is waiting "to talk." I don't know what the hell that means. Stay tuned kids.